Haley Kowalewski, founder of Femme Financial Coaching, shares how to move from money stress to wealth-building and long-term ownership.
How do your clients’ financial goals typically change after working with you?
When women first come to me in private coaching and in my coaching programs, they often don’t know what their financial goals should be. They don’t know the most efficient ways to get out of debt, how to build a budget they actually want to stick to, or how much to invest to retire, let alone retire early. Their goals are often, “I want to stop overspending,” “I should probably save more,” or “I just want to feel less stressed about money.”
After working together, those goals expand. They shift from playing defense to playing offense, and they get a lot more excited about their goals, which is my favorite part of working with them. I see the goals shift to, “I want to build a million-dollar portfolio and travel around the world with my partner,” “I want to be work-optional in my 40s or 50s and for my kids to not have to struggle with money like I did,” or “I want to go to yoga at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday and not have to ask for time off because I have built real money freedom.”
For example, I recently worked with a client who came to me with $50,000 in credit card debt and no financial plan. Within our time together she became completely debt free and now has a real investing strategy for the first time in her life and has more money confidence than ever! That is what playing offense looks like.
The biggest change is that they stop thinking small. They start seeing money as a tool for expansion that can work for them and bring excitement, not just for getting by.
What does a healthy relationship with money look like to you?
A healthy relationship with money is one where you have awareness and control over where your money goes. It can feel easier to just ignore your money, but ignoring it is when problems come up! There is a lot of power in knowing where your money is going.
It’s not about perfection and never going over budget (Hint: We all go over budget sometimes!). It’s about owning your spending as an adult, looking at where your money is going, and investing to build long-term wealth. A healthy relationship with money is knowing where your money is going and trusting yourself to make decisions, even when you have to make tough ones.
It’s also about knowing that money isn’t tied to your worth. It’s understanding that everyone is in a different place with their finances, and comparing doesn’t help. Instead, do the best you can with what you’re working with.
Where do you see the biggest disconnect between how women are taught about money and what actually serves them?
Historically, talking about money has been taboo, so women (and men) have really not been taught much about money. This hasn’t served any of us at all!
When articles about money for women appear, they often focus on budgeting, cutting back on shopping and makeup, and being “responsible,” rather than on how to build real wealth. Many women don’t even know there is an investing gap and that men are investing more than women are.
The messaging is very focused on restriction: spend less, save more, don’t mess up. What’s missing is education on earning more, investing confidently, and thinking long-term.
What I think actually serves women is learning how to grow their money from other women! We need to be encouraged to take calculated risks and make aligned financial decisions based on the lifestyles we want to live, and to help other women learn once we help ourselves.
How do you approach conversations around money that feel emotional or tied to identity?
I don’t try to separate emotions from money! However, my goal is to get them to start associating money with positive emotions that will actually move them forward.
Money is so deeply tied to identity, safety, and past experiences, so instead of pushing women to “just be logical,” I help them understand what’s underneath their current behaviors. Where do these thoughts and beliefs come from? Then, I prompt them to think about how they actually want to be feeling about money in the future and work on getting their mindset aligned with the rich version of them who feels safe and grounded with money. I encourage them to take action with their future rich selves in mind, and this often gets them a lot more excited about working with their money.
The goal isn’t to remove emotion, as I believe women’s emotions are one of our superpowers! Rather, it’s to make sure we start shifting money to be associated with positive emotions. If your nervous system is dysregulated or you have negative emotions around money, and then you sit down to make a budget or money plan, you’re not going to stick with it.
What are you hoping women demand more of when it comes to financial services or support?
I want women to demand more information, salary transparency, and more social services like paid maternity leave and universal pre-K. We all know women’s careers and earnings are more likely to take a hit if they become parents than men’s, so we need to keep pushing for programs that will help keep things equal.
Too many financial spaces rely on heavy jargon, gatekeeping, or making people feel like they’re behind. Women should expect to be educated, not made to feel dumb for wanting to get ahead with their money.
They should also expect advice that aligns with their real lives, not generic strategies. Women today are different from how women were 10, 15, or 20 years ago! I’m hoping they truly rethink what kinds of lives they can live when they build wealth. They can travel, give back, choose to not have kids or take the “traditional path,” have more peace… That money equals more choices and opportunities that the women who came before us were less likely to have.
What’s one shift in mindset that tends to unlock the most progress for the women you work with?
The shift toward realizing that managing your money is actually super cool and powerful! Also, it’s a lot easier to learn about money nowadays than ever before in history. It’s not cute to be “bad with money.” It’s actually dangerous to give away your power and control by ignoring it.
When you see yourself as someone who builds wealth and is “good” with money, your decisions follow. You invest, you plan long-term, and you think bigger. It moves you out of shame and into ownership, and that’s one of the biggest shifts you can make.
That mindset shift is exactly what I work on with women in my one on one private coaching program: helping them move from shame and avoidance into real ownership of their financial lives. If you are ready to move from financial stress to financial offense, Haley works with women one on one through her private coaching program at www.femmefinancialcoaching.com/coaching.
